Chapter 3) Lost cause & everlasting love.

" To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful " - Bess Myerson


Here we go again.

All the breakup threats which we thought belonged to the past resurfaced, not from me, but you this time.
I am trying so hard to change, and I merely lost my cool once and made a mistake and you asked to breakup again.
Its funny. As I stop doing things that will hurt us like in the past, you begin to do them.
I am willing to change, but I am not a superhero. Well, even superheros lose their cool sometimes. Like Hulk.

Honestly, I don't know why as I change, I love you even more.
I pleaded for you not to leave me despite me getting all depressed and broken cause of this relationship.

I don't know why we can't just be a normal couple. Bicker at times, be sweet most of the times. & more importantly, love each other deeply.

Before time passes us by, or love passes us by, I want to tell you certain things.

For someone who treasures his pride like me, the fact that I'm willing to change just tells you how much I love you.
But changing has a limit, I can't be the only want doing so to rescue this relationship.
You changed, but not in a good way.
You're becoming increasingly cold to me.
& I don't know where to get the motivation to do even better.

I really don't get it.
Why is it so hard to get a thank you, or a I love you for all that I do.
If the past shaped you this way, then aren't you also the same as the past which haunted you?
And you're haunting me.
Why are you reluctant to text me, and not willing to date me out.

Really the root of our quarrels basically is, I can't feel really loved from you. Cause of the lack of expressions, or basically I just need you to be genuinely interested in this relationship.

It really would so much better if I just agree to your breakup. But I don't usually give up on love that easily, no matter the hurt it causes me. Cause I know I want to fight for you, change for you.

To be honest, I think I want to marry you. Probably it won't happen but the thought just pushes me on.

All I need is care, concern, love, gratitude and you.

I don't know whether you will get to read this, but I really hope to tell you through here. Cause when the topic arises on the phone, we quarrel.

I started to understand more, but will it reap any rewards in the end?
Before you say I'm expecting something in return, all I expect is for us to workout.
& that happens after we both give and take, for a selfless reason that we want to be together.

I just want to have a normal relationship with you, I just want to love and protect you.

Why did things have to become this way. Is it reversible?

In the meantime, all I know is that 2 is better than 1. Hence I don't want to break up with you. I still stupidly hope that a miracle will happen.

Nevertheless,
no one can affect you the way you do. From the sweetest smiles, to the gloomy tears, to the darkest fears.

I'm still very much in love with you.


Porkchop Pon.