Chapter 6) Crushed.

To be honest I saw it coming.. I know my past mistakes cannot be amended.
They scarred you, they scarred us. I am genuinely sorry.
I wish I can redeem for my mistakes with anything else, even physical pain, death etc. I just find it so hard to get punished for the mistakes with the most cruel thing ever.. losing you.

I.. am really really crushed.
How could it be.. I lost you. I lost the person I love the most.

I miss you so much. Tears no longer tell anything. But my heartbreak is beyond words.
It feels like my a piece of my heart is gone.. & never will find its way back.
I don't know how to survive this.

I read your blog. It seems like losing me may be the only way you can find yourself back.
I will do all it takes to make you happy.. I will manage a smile if I see you happy.

I will never be genuinely happy, how can I ever be without you.
But if you're happy all the sadness, depression and tears will all be worth it.
Treat me like a ladder alright ? Step on me to greater heights.. please do it, it is the only way I can ever redeem myself.

I love you so much, Samantha Yan.
We may no longer be together, but I will continue to love you at the expense of myself.
Please be safe. May all the good things in store for me, if any, get shipped over to you.
You deserve the best..
I never was.

CrushedBoy93